i never knew until that moment how bad it hurts to lose something you never really had.

I live everyday, with a broken heart. Not because I need you, but I always wanted you in my life. I always believed that I had time to make my mistakes right. But that was not the facts. I hope one day you will forgive me, for the hurt I caused. You were the the right person, at the wrong time. If you ever take the time to think back, I did what I did for a reason. Can't give you all the details, but I did push you away. There was always a method to my madness! No games here. Everything has always been from the heart or the sleeve, which way you would like to view it. You were the one, I truly believed in you. I let down my guard, because I trusted you with my heart. I let you down, I known, and you reciprocated not the way I hoped. Wish you the best to you and yours. I love you, know that always. Time to let you go……
You know what? baby ,I thought it would be easier now that you're gone, but it's not. It seems to be making everything harder and I don't get that as I lived a lot of years alone before I knew you. I feel incomplete, off kilter, etc. Who knew something so bad could be so good for me. I think I made a mistake in letting you go but we can't turn back. I just have a find a way to move forward alone.
this is really crazy,well guess i must be really crazy,coz i never really expected to fall so deep for you,but it happend and i did! i hate this feeling,i hate having feelings for you,i hate hearing the sound of voice that ive been missing all along,longing to hear it,i hate it when my phone rings and found it was not you calling,i hate checking my emails everyday just to be disappointed not seeing any emails from you everyday..i feel like im going out of my mind everyday.dunno how long should i wear this mask,it is really so hard to pretend that im happy and tottally moved on from what happened.But everytime i try to forget about you and not think of you,damn..baby i always go back to first step again….why it should be this way?why cant i forget about you?guess because of that one chance that i slip away just like that,of not seeing you in person,saying how sorry i am for hurting you,for lieing,for loving you,and for all the crazy things that ive done.
Maybe your ryt ,baby. I am really coward and this is really where am good at ,to hide at my friends and chat online with strangers and make them fall for me and lie.But i never did that to anyone,your accussing me of something that im not used to in doing.Yeah i know,i fooled you,but the story ends to you,see baby,if i am really that bad i should have not admit it to you,i should have demand allot of material things to you,but I NEVER DID!!! i was just asking for another chance,im not trying to be a intruder to your relationship with your new girl now,though it hurts me,im happy for you,no matter how my friends tried to convince me to forget all about you coz of all the bad things youve called me.I still feel the same way.
Gosh!!!! i hate this,i hate myself,maybe because im just too afraid if ever you wouldnt like me,that you wouldnt feel the same way.I was too afraid of everything and im not ready for anything,for any commitment,i dont like being confronted specially by you.I always got my tongue tied up whenever im talking to you,guess i dont want to be near beside you,coz if i do ill just be submissive and weak…i hate that.!!! i dont want to be weak,i want to be strong,i dont want to be under your power or any mans power!!! but….with you now…i feel like i want to take back those words again….coz you changed me.I just hope in time youll forgive me and maybe talk to me..lol!..i dont know if ever youll have a chance to read this blog…maybe if you research again about me..lol! but if ever..you know who you are